Caroline Zielinski
archillesWhat is Cheating?
March 26th 2008 10:56
Cheating in a relationship has always been of interest to me. Not really in the sense that I feel I have to do it, or have done, (which I haven't), but more because the boundaries of cheating have somewhat become blurred in this century.
A friend of mine, Rachel*, has been in long relationship for a while now, and she often goes on Internet dating sites and tries to attract guys, because it gives her a thrill. She flirts with them, often even makes the guys think she's single. To me, that is not cheating. In fact, I have done that in my previous relationship, and all it did was give me a confidence boost. She, like me, never met/ meets the guys, it is purely a fun, alternative cyber - world relationship which brings that extra excitement into her life. The thrill of the chase.
However, another friend of mine, let's call her Jane, thinks that this is cheating, as the girl is actively seeking out the interest of another guy without her current boyfriend's knowledge. Jane regards emotional cheating as far worse than physical cheating, or at least more hurtful. She still believes that physically cheating on someone is unforgivable, but emotional cheating is the real danger to a relationship, because that is when a the person straying is no longer happy, or at least satisfied with the person they're with.
I personally never got the emotional cheating thing. My boyfriend thinks that emotional and physical cheating is a lot worse than just physical cheating. He defines just physical cheating as getting drunk or something to that extent, and then having a one time fling which you would never repeat again, drunk OR sober. Emotional cheating, on the other hand, encompasses both physical and emotional betrayal, like an affair. That's the one which he said hurts the most, as it makes you feel like you're not good enough for your partner.
Whenever I've had crushes on other boys while being in a stready relationship, I never considered it cheating. I may have talked to them over MSN or over the phone, but I never went out on dates or touched them. But now that I think about it, I would have been so hurt to know if my boyfriend had had a crush on someone else, let alone had fallen in love with them. In a way, that's worse than him having a one night stand while intoxicated, because it means nothing.
Actually, now I've confused myself, because I can't decide which one would hurt more. In Hollywood, you hear about men cheating on their beautiful wives/ girlfriends, for instance Eva Longoria's hubby, who apparently had a fling with a French model right after his and Eva's wedding. Or Brad cheating on Jennifer Anniston with Jolie. I mean, both Eva and Jennifer are beautiful women: why would any man cheat on them? To many, being beautiful is the epitome of life, where we have reached life's potential. In our culture, we strive to obtain the aesthetically pleasing, the outward perfection, and once we have it (either as a woman in relation to her appareance, or a man with his wife/ girlfriend) we tend to get bored with it, and look beyond it.
Cheating is a very complicated topic, one which has many layers and intentions and meanings. I'm not going to say what is right and what is wrong here, because it's all contextually bound and relevant to different people at different times. Still, some food for thought.
A friend of mine, Rachel*, has been in long relationship for a while now, and she often goes on Internet dating sites and tries to attract guys, because it gives her a thrill. She flirts with them, often even makes the guys think she's single. To me, that is not cheating. In fact, I have done that in my previous relationship, and all it did was give me a confidence boost. She, like me, never met/ meets the guys, it is purely a fun, alternative cyber - world relationship which brings that extra excitement into her life. The thrill of the chase.
However, another friend of mine, let's call her Jane, thinks that this is cheating, as the girl is actively seeking out the interest of another guy without her current boyfriend's knowledge. Jane regards emotional cheating as far worse than physical cheating, or at least more hurtful. She still believes that physically cheating on someone is unforgivable, but emotional cheating is the real danger to a relationship, because that is when a the person straying is no longer happy, or at least satisfied with the person they're with.
I personally never got the emotional cheating thing. My boyfriend thinks that emotional and physical cheating is a lot worse than just physical cheating. He defines just physical cheating as getting drunk or something to that extent, and then having a one time fling which you would never repeat again, drunk OR sober. Emotional cheating, on the other hand, encompasses both physical and emotional betrayal, like an affair. That's the one which he said hurts the most, as it makes you feel like you're not good enough for your partner.
Whenever I've had crushes on other boys while being in a stready relationship, I never considered it cheating. I may have talked to them over MSN or over the phone, but I never went out on dates or touched them. But now that I think about it, I would have been so hurt to know if my boyfriend had had a crush on someone else, let alone had fallen in love with them. In a way, that's worse than him having a one night stand while intoxicated, because it means nothing.
Actually, now I've confused myself, because I can't decide which one would hurt more. In Hollywood, you hear about men cheating on their beautiful wives/ girlfriends, for instance Eva Longoria's hubby, who apparently had a fling with a French model right after his and Eva's wedding. Or Brad cheating on Jennifer Anniston with Jolie. I mean, both Eva and Jennifer are beautiful women: why would any man cheat on them? To many, being beautiful is the epitome of life, where we have reached life's potential. In our culture, we strive to obtain the aesthetically pleasing, the outward perfection, and once we have it (either as a woman in relation to her appareance, or a man with his wife/ girlfriend) we tend to get bored with it, and look beyond it.
Cheating is a very complicated topic, one which has many layers and intentions and meanings. I'm not going to say what is right and what is wrong here, because it's all contextually bound and relevant to different people at different times. Still, some food for thought.
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Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
But I don't think that flirting online like your friend does is cheating........though if I found out my boyfriend was doing that, I'd be hurt,.
Damn, it is confusing!!!
Comment by charliesgirl_992000
Histeries, Mysteries and what not
Lifes little slices
Mystical Creativity
Tammy
Comment by Anonymous
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
If you are in a serious relationship or marriage, how would you feel if the other person was flirting with others, or spending hours chatting to etc. Instead of putting that effort into your own relationship?
For me that's cheating. And the fact that you then feel you have to hide it and withhold it from your partner would make you feel worse and more miserable which would probably lead to more of the same and then wanted to leave your partner.
Find other ways to boost your ego and confidence
Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
nicely written.
I take the viewpoint of your friend Jane in this case. Going into a room (whether virtual or real) with the intent of seeing who you can attract emotionally or whose buttons you can push is similar to jumping into bed with someone that isn't your partner.
It's about intimacy. There's certain things that you share ONLY with yuor partner and no one else.
JZ